Don’t take your cell phone into the bathroom when you poop.

“But what if I get bored?” you ask.

Can it. Your cell phone can wait. If you’re a Millenial or a Gen Z Zoomer, it’s very likely that you are addicted to having your cell phone on you at all times. You use it while watching a movie. While playing a game. While laying in bed when you should be sleeping, While on a rollercoaster even though the park says not to take it on with you. And you take it with you when it’s time to drop the kids off at the pool.

Don’t do this. You are better than that. In an age of constant information overload, you don’t need that kind of negativity on the throne. Dropping a deuce is a chance to place yourself in a state of zen. Taking a dump is supposed to be an enjoyable, and enlightening experience. But no, you took your cellphone with you. You wanted to make sure Jimmy on Facebook knows that you liked that picture of his cat. Why though?

You don’t get many opportunities to take a break from technology. I’m being serious here. Serious face is on. How often do you get a break from your tech? Right now I have two screens on this computer, I have my phone next to me. There’s an additional desktop computer next to me that’s just turned on running Folding@Home. There’s a television in the room between the office and the bathroom.

Okay so maybe your setup is not like that. But you are probably looking at at least two screens or devices right now, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU? When does it end? I’ll tell you, it’s when you decide to take a break and drop the logs off. I mean, what were you planning on doing? Chatting with your fellow sh*tposter on FB messenger while you got your pants down? Nah.

Use the time to reflect while you literally take a load off. Find peace in yourself. Think for a moment. You see that sculpture by Auguste Rodin, The Thinker? The man is sitting there, deeply pondering. What’s he thinking about? I don’t know. But you think that’s a stone he’s sitting on? Think again. He’s taking a deuce. Got it? Now you can’t unsee it. Good.

Actual Message: Always remember to take a break from technology every now and again.