A long time ago, US citizens used to have these things called jobs, and they prevented us from playing our beloved videogames. During that time, when you got home from work, you’d sit back and play whatever you’re playing recently. If you were daring, you might play TWO videogames back and forth.
Except I have five. I’ve divided my time between The Division 2, Doom Eternal, Forza Horizon 4, Battlefield V, and Fallout 76 Wastelanders.
I want to start by addressing Battlefield V, as something was announced that while writing this. Support for Battlefield V is getting dropped, it’s going to get a few more bits of additions but the final patch is on its way. Final. I’m not particularly mad, because well… I can just go play Star Wars Battlefront II instead. It’s been fixed, and it is essentially just an elaborate Star Wars mod for Battlefield. Anyway, both are massive online multiplayer first person shooter games.
The Division 2 was being sold for $3 a couple months ago. Wow, it’s almost like it was an omen. I start playing this game about a supervirus that wiped out millions of Americans and now… yeah. That thing. The Coof. What is it? It’s an Ubisoft game. That says it all. You are in Washington DC, and there’s a bunch of pins on the map. There’s busywork, unnecessary busywork, actual missions, and random faffing about. You know it’s actually rather soothing and therapeutic compared to the other games. It’s a third person multiplayer cover shooter with loot mechanics.
Doom Eternal, on the other hand, is NOT soothing. Accompanied by a soundtrack that can only be described as “the sounds of a chainsaw being transposed to metal” it’s an intense experience. DOOM 2016 started the franchises new first person frenetic kill-room experience. The sequel decided that it wasn’t hard enough and just tosses you to the wolves the moment you start the campaign. Just look at the new banner for this page! It’s balls to the wall action that will make you better at all other shooters.
Forza Horizon 4 takes a special place in my heart.
A free roam racing game with online elements made sure that there is so much shit to do, it’s almost too much. The map looks like an Ubisoft map with the amount of pins on it. Yet, I never got to spend enough time with the game because of review obligations to the page, but let me put I this way. I’ve played what has to be more than 60 total hours of gameplay, and I barely touched the infinite amount of campaigns and races it has. The live events soak up my time. Hell the game even has its own battle royale, no I’m not kidding, look it up.
Finally, we have the Wastelanders DLC update for Fallout 76. Congratulations Ubisoft, you made an extremely boring and empty survival FPS RPG into a slightly less empty version that’s still marginally boring. New content means new character, so I left my two existing characters off to the side. I haven’t touched them in more than a year. The experience is incrementally less boring, but it’s still boring. I spend more time at user camps fiddling with my gear than I do playing actual missions. I’m just glad the game space is getting over implementing survival into every game.
A lot of shooters sure, but they are all very different gameplay wise. And I can’t pick one to stick with because I want to play the others too. Also, I constantly press the wrong buttons in many games, especially Fallout 76, because every one of these has a different control scheme. I get by just fine.
If you’re wondering why I haven’t picked up Super Final Fantasy VII Remake Midgar Edition Deluxe Part One & Knuckles, it’s because I already have plenty to play. Five games on rotation alone, these don’t even count the backlogs of games I want to play. Do yourself a favor and have a look through the games you own. Get cracking at the ones you’ve been meaning to play.
Hate reading? The audio version can be found HERE.
I’ve been thoroughly enjoying Doom Eternal. Except any bit with the marauders. Screw those guys. But yeah, it’s fun. Beat the game, I’ve been going back through it finding secrets and collectibles. Only problem is I started getting bored of it.
So I checked out Battle Mode. Only recently have I gotten more comfortable with multiplayer games, which is weird because when I was younger I played the hell out of Quake 3 Arena. I used to do Splatoon 2 videos but then the Splatfests stopped. I digress, I didn’t pay any attention to the promo stuff regarding Doom Eternal’s multiplayer, so I had no idea what was in store for me.
It’s kinda cool. Kinda. But there’s only one game type in Battle Mode. One Slayer vs Two Demons. That’s it. You have some decent tutorials on how to play as the demons but you can’t really get a feel for them until you’ve played a few matches.
Problem is… I’m having a hard time finding matches. You can select to play as a Demon or Slayer if you want, sure. But more often than not, if I try to pick what I want to play as, the game will search for a match for about 15 seconds before giving up. Like, really? Can’t just keep searching? I was only able to start when I selected Quickmatch, which randomizes being a Demon or the Slayer.
I prefer to be a support type of character and while that is available, the small intimacy of a 3 person match is a far cry from 64 person Battlefield where I get to be a medic and just heal people who are better at the game than me. So, meh, could be better I guess.
But where’s the rest?
That’s it for Doom? There’s no co-op horde mode? Really? That seems like the most obvious idea, you and other slayers face down an constant onslaught of demons that get harder and harder, until you’re left fighting three marauders, three doom hunters, and a baron of hell with only 3 shotgun shells left, and not enough zombies to refill your ammo, so you all panic and die. Sounds like a blast right? Well, where is it?
Horde mode is not an original game mode by any means. In a world where even Forza Horizon gets its own Battle Royale mode (I’m not even joking), you figure that a horde mode would be the first go-to. Oh god they’re not doing Doom Battle Royale are they? I hope not. Maybe I’m being too picky, it’s just really weird that there’s only one game mode and nothing else. Do they have a roadmap? One second. I stopped to look and see if there’s planned DLC. Looks like there is, but it appears to be single player content.
Welp, that’s fine by me I guess. I’d still like a horde mode though, can we please get it? Do you want a horde mode? Have you had a hard time with matchmaking? Come @ me in the comments.
What could be better than playing DOOM completely sloshed?
(Playing it like normal apparently.)
Here we are, another day, another desperate attempt at attention by debasing myself for your amusement. Once again, I’ve found myself some consumption of the Devil’s Lettuce and Angry Juice, and the result is one of the most awful Let’s Play videos you’re going to see of Doom Eternal for a at least 2 weeks.
Still did way better that the people at Polygon & Kotaku. I know it’s annoying to watch some of this because it took me a while to learn that the chainsaw is FUCKING RECHARGEABLE even though the tutorial prompt said so. But that’s what you’re here for right? You want an expert to play, you can go to YouTube and watch someone do a no death run on nightmare difficulty. I’m sure someone has already done it. Let me look for one while you watch Part 2.
Here we are, some dude called Decino has a ton of Let’s Play videos on ludicrous difficulty settings. He’s not done but he’s gotten pretty far and has a playlist of his run. He’s hot 62.3K subscribers. That’s 62.2K more that me so that’s practically identical. Anyway, that’s a real Hard Mode Gamer right there!
Not that that means anything. Last game I beat on Hard Mode was… hmmm, Bayonetta 2 on Switch and Devil May Cry V as far as I can remember. I’m sure there’s more. If you wanna see my actually try hard at games, you can smash that like….. oh wait this is the website nevermind. Well on Youtube you can… oh I stopped posting videos to YouTube because they’re trash now.
You can follow Hard Mode Gamers here on Facebook. Facebook is ite. Sound good? Good.
Purveyor of critical thinking and sociopolitical happenings, Alex Jones has once again come under fire from mainstream outlets. Only instead of social media, it’s social gaming. A recent post on infowars.com sheds light on the subject. During one of his radio shows, Jones points out “the globalists are trying to discourage us by taking away our games!” It turns out, that his official Xbox Live Gold and PlayStation Network Plus subscriptions have both been terminated. His profile was also removed, causing him to lose over 113 cloud save files that he can never get back. He has appealed this ruling but it’s not likely to change.
Alex continues, pointing out that he’s “fighting the good fight” and ending the scourge of the lizard people in Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. He’s stated several times how excited he was for Black Ops IIII but it seems those dreams of fighting the elite are dead. Jones was also a very big fan of DOOM (2016) and has posted several let’s play videos. Many of them highlight just how passionate of a gamer he is. He frequently reminds his viewers that the antagonist of the game is, in fact, a phony Hillary Clinton.
As the head spokesperson for the entire alt-right movement, Jones vehemently defends most first-person shooter games. The fake news companies constantly report these games can be harmful and dangerous. But Alex insists that first-person shooters are just a celebration of the second amendment and regularly donates the proceeds of his gaming patreon to the NRA. It is no longer known how he will continue to support the cause with this most recent ousting in the game-o-sphere.
Reportedly, Jones is looking to purchase a Nintendo Switch. It appears that he now sees that the ink in Splatoon 2 is turning the frogs gay, and that just won’t fly with him. As is required by Nintendo, he will have to join the Nintendo Creators Program to post his gameplay footage. All that’s left is for him to find another web video outlet that will allow his content to be presented. AJ is currently looking at websites like DailyMotion, Vimeo, and PornHub.
Who knew they meant playing the game when they said return to hell…
Damn. What a ridiculous piece of… Well, let me not say that. The damn thing probably just needs an update. It’s just stupid frustrating that I can’t just get the game to work. This is no where as fun as playing God of War. Let’s see how long this update it is… I really hope it’s just an update issue and not that I need to buy Move Controllers. What!? 36 hours to download the update! F*ck this, Doom is stupid. I’m gonna go buy Move Controllers this weekend.
(Flashback an hour)
Ok, I spent way too much time last week using the PSVR as a glorified 70inch screen that I could play on while laying in bed. Let’s bust open this Doom VFR and see what the hype is about. Maybe I’ll even learn what the F stands for in VFR haha. I walked over to the physical game palace (my wall shelf) and looked through the spines. I grabbed the fully sealed copy of Doom VFR that came packaged with the HMG PSVR. Cracked the bad boy open and threw it in the PS4 to install.
While the game began installing I did what everyone should do while waiting for games to install. I went to poo. How could anyone ever play any games on a fully loaded bowel. Even worse, a VR game. Yea not gonna get me to throw up anytime soon, I’m smarter than the average bear. For the record and for the young that was a Yogi Bear reference not a homosexuality reference. Moving on.
“I went to poo.”
I completed the deed and went back to find Doom had fully installed. Hazzaahhh it was time to shoot things. Or so I thought. I booted the game and for two whole scenes had barely any control of the game other than moving my camera and my head around. Oh and of course watching the on screen hands squeeze every time I hit the trigger buttons. Can’t pretend I wasn’t entertained by this. Then it happened, the game broke. Maybe? I’m not quite sure but when it was finally time to play, I couldn’t aim vertically and so I could not progress through the first tutorial prompt.
The first tutorial prompt people. I legit had to google a Doom VFR walkthrough video to see if I was missing something or just having technical issues. And that led us to where we are now.
(Flash forward an hour)
I really hope that getting Move Controllers will solve the problem, cause my internet sucks.
iPhone news, and Bethesda announces more Switch ports.
Another week has passed and Nintendo has made another strong play for all of our gaming attention. I mean how could we expect anything less? Nintendo showed up to 2017 with all intentions on smashing the competition. Not getting a stupid draw like the Canelo vs GGG fight but a full on technical knockout like Mayweather V McGregor. Fear not however, there is so much other news alongside the Nintendo assault.
1. It’s the return of the wolf goddess!
After it was prematurely leaked last month, Capcom had no choice but to announce the official return of Amaterasu! For those of you sad sad people who do not recognize the name, it means you have a second opportunity to experience the masterpiece Okami. And this time in HD. The game is literally about running around as the goddess Amaterasu in wolf form, painting life back into the world. That sentence still doesn’t do this game justice, but for only $19.99 believe when I say this is one of the greatest games you’ll ever play. Make sure you paint the world beautifully when the game releases December 12th on all consoles.
2. From the creators of Grow Home and Grow Up comes an online FPS.
Sharing only a unique colorful art style, the latest title from Ubisoft Reflections is Atomega. Don’t let the lack of the word Grow in the title fool you, this game will still have you growing your Exoform all the way up from small sphere to enormous robot. What makes it even more amazing is this all new gaming experience will be available on Steam on September 19th. Fellow gamers, at this point I would like to publicly say it’s going to be a busy holiday season.
3. ThatGameCompany sure knows how to name a game…
Introducing the latest title from the masterminds who brought us Journey, Flow, and Flower this new title is all about romance. Or something like that. I guess I should give you some official info now. Sky is being touted as a romantic social adventure game in which you play as the children of light with a goal of bringing light to where it is most needed. The game will support up to 8 players and will be launching first on Apple TV, iPhone, and iPad. No mention of how long the launch exclusivity is or if other platforms the will get the game, but given the relationship with the Playstation brand I’d bet we will see it on PS4 soon.
4. Speaking of That Computer Company…
It was a huge week for Apple fans who like to play games on their devices. During their annual iPhone event, Apple once again dug deep into Gaming and AR technology. At the event they announced three iPhones to chose from this year each sporting a brand new A12 chip and 6 core processor to make games look insane. The iPhone 8, 8 Plus, & futuristic (although a tad silly looking) iPhone X will also sport a brand new Super Retina OLED display. That combined with the massive processing power and Apple’s stranglehold on the quality of its App Store games makes for a very interesting direction the mobile landscape is heading. Super Mario Run anybody?
5. Oh no Call of Duty what are you doing!?
It should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that the Sony and Activision partnership has spawned a Call of Duty PS4 bundle. What does come as a surprise however is how gross the console looks and that once again it is not a PS4 Pro. Seriously what the f*ck is going on up there people. We want PRO Bundles damnit. Rant over. The Call of Duty WWII bundle will come with a 1TB PS4 in the exclusive came green style along with a non0-camo green Dual Shock 4 and a physical copy of the game all for $300. I want the controller for sure but the console itself looks kinda silly. Oh well.
6. The Switch goes big!
We already knew Skyrim was coming to the Nintendo Switch, but now we have an official release date and so much more. Skyrim will be launching on Nintendo Switch on December 17th but thats not the real big news. The big news is that Doom and Wolfenstein 2 will also be coming to Nintendo Switch! Doom will be available this holiday season and Wolfenstein 2 sometime in 2018. Third party support for the Nintendo Switch is coming in hot, although delayed. There was a crap ton of announcements made regarding the Switch this week but Grandmaster Chet already did a really nice recap [Editor’s note: I didn’t, sorry.] so you can check it all out here. Thanks, Bethesda!
7. Good scary things coming from Korea.
I know, I know they just fired a missile so maybe making Korea jokes isn’t the best idea. However, I thought it was funny. Anyway, Coma will be coming to a PS4 or PC near you very soon. Originally scheduled to launch in August the game will now be releasing on September 19th alongside Marvel Vs. Capcom Infinite (you all know I had to mention this game at least once). Now let’s talk about Coma, the horror game set in an abandoned highschool that forces you to make your way out while avoiding possessed classmates and teachers. A new trailer was released to remind us that the premise of this game is not funny. Also for all of you who are still butt hurt about the Korea joke, relax the development team is from South Korea. Those are the cool guys.