magic belong in assassins creed
January 12th, 2019 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Is it really a stretch that the main character fought mythical beasts?

An interesting topic was brought up in a thread about the latest Assassins Creed. A commenter said that the inclusion of magical elements and legendary beasts we a step too far. Sure, by now we all know that the AC franchise take many creative liberties with history. But in a game where you can relive the memories of ancestor via DNA sample isn’t really hard sci-fi, is it? But yeah, the jump between pre-movie AC games and the newer post-movie AC games does mark a striking change in some of the established lore of the series. (BTW, don’t watch the movie, just using it as a point of reference here.)

Very minor spoilers for Odyssey, but there are optional boss fights with beasts of legend from Greek folklore. But it’s not that surprising is it? After all, we do know that the people of the “first civilization” enjoyed messing with early humans. But is it a step too far anyway? It’s still the memories of the ancestor, so you should see what really happened, right?

No, actually. Coming up toe to toe with the Minotaur actually might make a bit of sense. The key operating word is that we are exploring memories. The game already likes to throw around the “memory glitch” or something as a handwave to issues. But that’s a weak excuse and there’s a better explanation. Memories can be distorted over the years. Some things aren’t quite how you remembered them.

Like how to spell the BerenSTEIN Bears or whether or not Sinbad was a genie. No, I’m not trying to invoke the Mandella Effect but… Well, yes I am actually. The stories are stories for a reason. Do we remember who killed Medusa? Was it the gods or just that Kassandra person?

Okay, so why is it okay then?

But really what it comes down to is this. It’s perceptions that paint these memories the way they do. When Kassandra defeats the legendary beast, the moment she takes the artifact, the ‘monster’ quietly transforms into a little Sackboy, basically. Were the ‘gods’ just messing with Kassandra’s head? There’s no way to know for sure.

But we do know that Kassandra believes she defeated these beasts. It is what she thinks she did. So when you’re in the animus, exploring her memories, its going to show you she actually felt about the fight. Maybe the Minotaur was just a slightly oversized bull that she had a hard time with. Maybe Medusa was just a sickly woman using superstitions or herpetology to fight back. Maybe she ate some psychedelic mushrooms on her way to the Sphinx?

In the film 300, the bombs that the Persian army chucked at the Spartans were referred to as magic. As is the case here, I believe. Whatever happened, Kassanda had her very own explanation for what transpired. Simply a matter of what she believes. And if she truly believes that she fought mythical beings, then that’s what the animus is going to show you. It’s not magic, just perception.

MALAKA! Chet has played about 90 hours of Assassins Creed Odyssey and doesn’t expect to stop any time soon.



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December 14th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

A true milestone for Bethesda

Hello friends, Chet here. What you are witnessing is one of the absolute best games Bethesda has ever made. This game single-handedly shows of the true depths that the developer and publisher can reach. This is an absolute game changer, both literally and metaphorically. Because it changed the Fallout games, and as a game changed the whole world! It’s so good, that we had to give you a whole ELEVEN reasons as to why this game was so good, because 10 just wasn’t enough. In fact it’s so good we are not even going to review it. Check out why it’s great over here!

In case the blunt sarcasm wasn’t enough, it shouldn’t have to be pointed out that this video is SATIRE.

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soul calibur 6
November 3rd, 2018 by Vega Montanez

Be whatever you want to be.




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shadow of the tomb raider
October 17th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

There’s more than 8

There’s a lot to be said about Shadow of the Tomb Raider. Strap in and prepare yourself. Chet is ready for his signature move: aggressively nitpicking a decent game. How good is this sequel? Well… did you like the others? Because it’s the same. Again.




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assassins creed cultural appropriation
October 9th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

An erasure of ancient culture is upon us…

The Greek Historian Brotherhood, or GHB, has recently filed a complaint in Quebec. One of Ubisoft’s many various unique talents in game mastery, Ubisoft Quebec is responsible for the newest installment in this ongoing franchise. According to the district attorney’s office, Assassin’s Creed Odyssey was in direct violation of the terms set when they were chosen as the setting for the game.

The foreign minister of Greece, Nikos Kotzias, pointed out that the depiction of soldiers and warriors in Roman historical times were a misrepresentation of the country. Further, he cites that if people play the game and see the amount of violence contained within, tourism would decrease for the region. In a recent testimony made public by the local newspaper, Kotzias said:

“Greece is a fantastical place richly filled with the culture of civilization itself. To depict the ancient city as a place of gory violence does a discredit to the country. For in the preservation of history, and for the interest in the comon [sic] folk, this video game cannot be allowed to be distributed. Not in our humble country, it is completely outrageous. And more so, it is not truthful.”

In Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, you play as twin characters Evie and Jacob Frye, two Spartans who fought in the infamous “300” battle against the Turkish empire. The death animations are some of the most graphic and gratuitous in the history of the franchise. Many Greecians feel like this may make them come across as violent, though that is not the case.

Famous video game sales company in the country, Σταματήστε το παιχνίδι, has recently boycotted the game and refuse to stock shelves with it. They too are unhappy with the title. Recently, the CEO of the company, Ντόναλντ Τραμπ, put forward a statement.

“Ντόναλντ Τραμπ will not be selling Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, as it is a complete fabrication of our history. It is erasing our culture piece by piece, and we cannot endorse it.”

Assassin’s Creed has sold truckloads of money over the years, and this recent example isn’t even the first game to come under fire. Italy had its own complaints about Ezio Auditore da Firenze from the Assassin’s Creed 2 trilogy.

Despite this news, many Greeks are hotly anticipating the title, as slightly buggy open world games with choppy cutscenes have recently become popular over there. Odyssey ticks all right boxes, so it only makes sense that they would want to play it. Hopefully, Greece will change its mind soon enough, or the gamers of Greece are going to rise up.

In case the gratuitous factual errors didn’t make it clear enough, this article is in fact, satire.




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forza horizon 4 wheelspin
October 6th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

You spin me right round, Forza, right round!

Racing fans all over the world rejoice. The official “only game series worth playing on Xbox” has just dropped its newest iteration, Forza Horizon 4. This is the relaxed, more open world format of the game that can be custom tailored to your play style, from arcade racer to hardcore simulator. I haven’t reviewed the game yet but I am confident it is the best racing game ever made. But we’ll have to wait for the review on that.

We are here to talk about loot boxes. They are a sticking point in the gaming industry that has recently left gamers with a bad taste in their mouths. It’s easy to say EA was the straw that broke the camel’s back with their disastrous issues brought up by Dice’s Star Wars Battlefront II. It made national headlines to the point where non-gaming outlets were covering the issue. It inspired several developers to actively patch out the aspect in their games. It even got a country to outlaw it.

Now, Microsoft has been walking on thin ice in regards to this for quite some time. The more recent games in the Forza franchise featured an alternative currency you can buy with real money. This alternative currency could be used to buy cars. But they took a step too far with Forza Motorsport 7, in which you could earn “prize crates”. These prize crates were filled with cars, in-game currency, and challenge cards. The challenge cards were interesting, in that they just offered you a bonus bounty if you complete certain conditions during a race. For example, placing in 5th or better, or making 3 perfect turns would net you some more coin.

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But the Forza Horizon Wheelspin is present in all four titles in the series. The only difference is you can’t really purchase spins, outside of using perk tokens in later titles. But, still, it is basically a slot machine that has different prizes you can win. The fourth installment expanded on the items you can win. On top of cars and money, they added cosmetics for your avatar, car horns, and emotes. Yes, emotes. However, something else changed with this version. That alternative currency is gone, completely removed from the game. You can’t buy cars with real money anymore, and you certainly can’t buy the wheel spins or the new SUPER wheelspins. You win one item for wheelspins and three items for super wheelspins. The only microtransaction outside of expansion packs is the treasure map, which reveals all of the secrets on your map for just $3.

So what makes a loot box a loot box? Overwatch may not have been the first, but it did codify the concept of loot boxes. The list of items you can win from crates are icons, skins, emotes, sprays, voice lines, victory poses, highlight intros, and loot. So, cosmetics and some currency. But you can pay to get a whole bunch of these, and you get 4 items per box. And one “rare” item is guaranteed in every box, with rare being the second tier of swag, sporting blue. After that, you have purple for epic loot and orange for legendary loot. MANY games that feature “loot” in general, box or no box, use this color-coded system and verbiage for their items. In Forza Horizon 4, that most certainly is the case, the names and colors are the same.

You only win one loot box from leveling up in Overwatch, with some exceptions for certain events and standards. In Horizon 4, the game practically throws wheelspins at you. Level up? Wheelspin. Do a couple stunts? Wheelspin. Buy a house? Wheelspin. Paint a car? Wheelspin. Take some photos? Wheelspin. Buy a few cars? Wheelspin. Get a couple perk points? Wheelspin. I could stop here but I’m going to keep going anyway. Win a few races? Wheelspin. Lose a few races? Wheelspin. Complete a championship? Wheelspin. Drive around doing absolutely nothing? Wheelspin. Participate in a live event? Wheelspin! EXIST? WHEELSPIN! DON’T EXIST? WHEELSPIN!

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I swear I could not go more than 15 minutes without getting at least one or two wheelspins. That may be because I bought the ‘Ultimate Edition’ of the game and got some generous boosts to start, but even afterward, I just kept getting more and more. It actually got annoying and broke up the pace of the game. Thankfully, you don’t have to sit through a whole wheelspin animation, which is only about 5-7 seconds, not much at all. But even then you can skip that animation, get your prize, and be on your merry way.

So, what’s different about the Horizon 4 wheelspin again? Let’s review. You cannot purchase them with real money. The alternate currency system is not present. You get them all the time. Basic wheelspins will always get you either a car or more money. Super wheelspins will get you 3 of anything else. You do not get unfair advantages in multiplayer for wheelspins. You don’t get cards that change the conditions of earning more. Every spin is a winner (unless you get 10,000CR, that’s pretty lame).

It feels a lot more like the game is using these prizes to encourage you for playing the game. You can and will play the game regardless of the wheel spins. Yet as you play, the game is constantly rewarding you pretty much just for playing it. You may feel appreciated by the game as you continue to get gift after gift after gift. You may feel far more appreciated than you ever felt possible with this inclusion. Despite the “slot machine” appearance, it feels a lot more like you are just being given some free things, instead of gambling. Because of these reasons, I assert that the Horizon Wheelspin is neither a loot box nor a form of gambling. On top of that, I appreciate Microsoft’s nerve to decide not to include alternative currency this time around. I hope this game along with others continues with that mindset for the foreseeable future.



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xbox killer app
October 1st, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Xbox’s last and best hope.

I understand that not a lot of people are racing game fans. But please, listen to me. Old racing games may have soured you to the concept. Sometimes is the bullshit AI. Sometimes it’s the simulation being too hard. But FH4 is actually the perfect racing game. It encompasses any form of playstyle, where you can play it exactly how you want. If you want a fun arcade racer, you have it. Hardcore simulation? You can get that too. Somewhere in the middle? You bet.

I also isn’t trying to hard to lay a plot on you. This new installment definitely has more cutscenes, but it’s all just context and filler. People physically talk to you instead of chatting you on the radio. There’s still showcases, but there’s also a new feature called “Stunt Driver”. Not to be confused with Stuntman: Ignition, the recently free 360 game for Xbox Gold subscribers.

The changing of seasons also keeps the game fresh, as the rotation of weather changes several of the races you get to in the game. This is yet another addition to the winning formula of the Forza series. Again, maybe some bad racing game turned you off. But this here, this is the racing game to play. This is the best racing gave you will ever play. It’s genuinely Game-of-the-Year material as far as I’m concerned. It certainly is Xbox’s killer app, and I expect holiday sale bundles should come with this masterpiece. I want an Xbox One X just to play this game. It’s that good. Forget Halo and Gears of War. Play Forza. It will enhance your life in ways you could never imagine.

Forza Horizon 4 releases October 2nd. Tomorrow as of the time of this post.

But honestly, why the fuck is the Tesla Model S not in this game?




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megaman 11
October 1st, 2018 by Kleev

I’d rather be playing Mighty No. 9

There is no way I am spending money on MegaMan 11. The only thing anyone can do to make me play MegaMan 11 is to buy me the game or give me 70% worth its price. I would only pay less than half the game. But the problem is that’s out of character for me. I dont make people do that so there are no options You want a review? Here you go.

Mighty no. 9 is better than this cartoony, uninspired crap. The explosions look great tho, no pizzas! 🍕🍕🍕 But, what about the story? It doesn’t seem to be focused on story. The last 10 games had more or less the same story, no reason this would be any different. Except maybe they will put 1 or 2 unique things to make it not a basic copy paste. Like, Mr. X and the contest of robots masters from all over the world in MegaMan 6 instead of Dr. Wily. Whatever.

MegaMan is known for his cool pew pew pew and other 8 bit classic sounds, or 16 bit classic sounds too. This sounds like a very realistic game, completely unappealing for MegaMan. As for the music? Most uninspired garbage ever, designed to be background noise at best. This allows the sound effects and obnoxious character / enemy voices to be cheard in full, terrible detail. But, at least there’s some good MegaMan action, this part is mostly unchanged except for extra things, which are welcome. It’s a hard game too just like the classics, but with more tools to help the ‘evolved gamer’ of today. You can slow down time or temporarily be more powerful. I’m all about that classic difficulty.

One third of the game can possibly be fun, because only the gameplay is good. Honestly, even if the gameplay is good, it’s still a very simple jump and shoot MegaMan game where you die lots, which was only enjoyable to me because the graphics and music used to be nice in older games. MegaMan 11 is closer to being flappy bird. I did NOT want to go through a level again after dying because it would be so boring. If i had to rate just the fun, it would be 0.25/5 but I was told I have to use whole numbers, so I’ll just say 1/5. This review is entirely based on the playable demo for Megaman 11. I am a fan who has played every single version of every Megaman game ever made (except DOS, fuck that). The demo did not interest me in any way to this new installment. It will be out on October 2nd, maybe you’ll enjoy it more? I just can’t.

The editor-in-chief can confirm the reviewer’s Megaman skills and affinity for the series.




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September 21st, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Is there any Xbox Fanboy left?

This video is not only a discussion of PS4 exclusive titles. It’s also a sequel to another video we made about 7 months ago. Chet was team Xbox for the longest time. Not anymore, thanks to the lack of any interesting games other than Forza. Which is great if you like racing. But that doesn’t cut the bread does it? Anyway, he’s got two more major PS4 titles under his belt, and he is rather impressed.

So here it is, a fresh take on the new God of War from a guy who never played any of the others. And also, Detroit: Become Human.




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August 16th, 2018 by Catherine "Raskallion" Dore

Everything is just so predictable and bland.




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August 16th, 2018 by Catherine "Raskallion" Dore

What? I said it.




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July 23rd, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Two game developers are influencing the action game market.

In the world of brawler style melee action games, there are many sorts of styles that can be adapted to make the players feel comfortable with the action. With the popularity of two major game developers, it’s pretty cut and dry that there are two methods of designing the playstyle. From Software and Platinum Games are those two developers, and both of their games have a signature style that their studios are notorious for employing. They both also make for great combat. Yet, by and large, they are polar opposites from one another. These prevailing gameplay styles can thus be broken down on a simplified scale from 0-10 with one developer on each side. Let’s talk about those styles for a bit.

Let’s start with From Software. They are notorious for the Dark Souls series and Bloodborne, and in case you’ve been living under a rock, they are quite popular. Indeed, Souls games are known for their difficulty, range of playstyle choices, and thoughtful combat practices. In older times, you could mash a button to attack enemies a la Warriors games until you win, but that discipline is a good way to get yourself killed over and over if you’re playing Souls. Nay, when playing a Souls game, one must exercise caution and patience when playing. If you try to run up to enemies and smack them about as much as you can, you will quickly run out of stamina and get the stuffing beat out of you.

Souls games have the ongoing memes attached to them. There’s “Git Gud,” which implies that if you find the difficulty too hard, tough shit, you just have to get better. This game will not accommodate an easier setting. And of course, the well known “Prepare to Die” also sticks with the games, as the challenge of the combat will find you dying many times as you figure out the best ways to fight. That’s how the games are. Every new enemy encounter is a new experience. You have to take things slow and learn your combatants’ patterns and flows in order to best them. You watch them and you adapt. Soon, you learn that different animations mean different attacks, and you learn how to anticipate them and act accordingly. You can only get by with perseverance, getting to know your enemy’s line of attacks. Once you have them figured out, as long as you stay diligent, you can hold your own. Or at least until a boss shows up.

Before we dive into bosses, let’s talk about the other end of the spectrum. We have Platinum Games, makes of some of the most purely awesome combat encounters. Platinum throws common sense and logic right out the fucking window in favor of a coolness factor. It doesn’t matter how impractical or absurd everything gets, you are there to wreak absolute havoc upon anyone who stands in your way. In stark contrast to the methodical nature of Souls, these games want you to absolutely wreck your opponents. Now, mashing buttons may be the key to these games, but it sure as hell isn’t brainless, instead it is a solid flow. You learn how to take visual cues from the fighting to know when to press dodge, when to fast attack, when to strong attack, and then you sting up that series of button stomping action right on into the latter half of the double digits. Keeping your combos going is key, and any moment you are spending on not attacking your opponents is basically wasted time.

Platinum’s repertoire is vast but often features key similarities. They have a lot of successful releases, like Bayonetta, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance- Lightning Bolt Action, Transformers Devastation, and new critically acclaimed Nier Automata. All of these feature combat based on stringing together tight-knit button combinations while being mindful of visual cues. As long as you’re smashing the dodge button, you’ll get out the way of being hit hard. Enemy attacks are far less telegraphed in these games, as a very short gleam appears on an enemy, giving you a fraction of a second to dodge, and then continue your full frontal assault. You don’t exercise any caution in these games. Instead, as soon as you see a single enemy, your first move will likely be to charge right on into them at full speed to destroy them before they can even sneeze.

Let’s talk about boss fights. When you encounter a boss in a Souls game, there’s a strong chance you were never prepared for it. They will also terrify the everliving hell out of you as they morph and grow before your very eyes and menace you to an extent where you’ve already accepted your fate and thus “prepared to die.” You learn how to fight bosses by dying. These giant, imposing bastards will pound you into the ground over and over until you finally get just the right amount of focus. Once you’re in the zone, you can carefully pay attention to all of their attacks and strike when it’s your turn. You know you’re in for a long fight in these, and learn that getting hasty is a mistake you can’t afford. When you see a boss in a souls game, you’d be lying if your first reaction isn’t “oh shit”.

Contrast this with the aggression that Platinum encourages, and you’re in for a completely different ride. When you encounter a boss in a Platinum game, the mentality isn’t fear. You internally say yourself, “Wow, I cannot wait to fuck that guy up!” and proceed to have at them, even if they are frequently 3-6 times your puny size. Here, you run in and you start beating on them no matter what and you keep the pressure going, never allowing your target to catch their breath. Instead of learning from dying, you simply learn what does and does not work as you fight. Are certain attacks not working? Try others. Are all of your attacks simply chiseling down the boss’s HP? Just keep at it and they’ll go down. You have to be fierce and vicious to win. Don’t think about your attacks, just act and react. Fight, fight and fight, and if the boss hits you hard you just gotta hit them back harder.

And so, the influence of these developers brightly shines through, even as I  play more and more games that aren’t made by them. It’s popular for ‘games journalists’ to compare difficult melee games to Souls, but it’s not their fault. Games are starting to borrow elements from the style of this unfathomably popular new game series. Not all games though; while some tend to take a leaf from the Souls book, others lean in on the sharp and fast action of Platinum. I’d like to introduce a scale to rank games based on how similar their fighting styles are to the repertoire of these two developers’ groundbreaking series. It’s called the From Platinum scale, and it goes like this:

It’s 0-10. On the left-hand side, you have From Software occupying the space of 0. Not because it’s bad, think of it as more of a scale of speed and forgiveness. Souls are not forgiving, nor are they expedient, thus the zero. Only a game made by that developer can receive a 0, everything else can get a “1” at best. On the other side, it’s Platinum Games holding up the 10. I chose them for 10 because “platinum” is a precious metal, which implies high monetary value. Only games by that company can get a 10, the rest can only get a “9” at best. How does that factor into games that are recent or popular? Let’s have a look at a few games.

Dark Souls: 0

In case you skipped every paragraph and jumped right here, then listen. Once again, Dark Souls doesn’t get a zero because it’s bad. It gets a zero because the combat gives you ZERO hope. You will die, it is inevitable. No other game can get a zero.

Bloodborne: 1

Bloodborne isn’t quite as damning as the Souls games. It also has a faster and more active approach, so it gets a different rating.

Nier: Automata: 10

Nier Automata takes the cake for the most Platinum of Platinum games, being a title that not only has fast-paced combat but also makes you fight while making playing a bullet hell shooter.

Transformers Devastation: 9

The action is fast and furious, but not quite as insane as Platinum’s other titles. Still, it maintains the fury and finesse that makes them so special.

Batman Arkham Series: 5

It strikes the perfect balance between being aggressive to exercising caution. You face enemies head-on or through the shadows, but you must still keep moving, otherwise, you’re a sitting duck.

Vampyr: 3

This game had a very slow and methodical combat system that some Souls veterans found to be not so challenging. The game lacks the depth that Souls has to offer, but if you encounter a boss you’re unprepared for, you’re gonna get wrecked until you either leave completely to level up or just face them and chip away at their health for 20 minutes.

Hyrule Warriors: 7

In Warriors games, you lay the smackdown on waves of enemies, often killing grunts in the higher double digits in single blows. Although you can mash buttons at the base enemies, you’ll encounter miniboss characters who require a nuanced but aggressive approach.

The Surge: 2

What if Dark Souls but sci-fi and shitty?

That is but a few examples. I fully expect to use the From Platinum™ scale of melee gaming for future releases. What do you think? Am I onto something, or full of shit? Tell me in the comments.

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