March 19th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Nintendo delivers the goods in more ways than one, and several iconic characters are seeing the limelight.

Senior News Editor and part-time rapper Vega couldn’t be here last week and I was too busy pretending I was getting better at Monster Hunter World to notice (though seriously, thank you to those who contributed). This edition of Lucky Gamer Recap will get you whaaaaa… two weeks of news? Does that mean you’re gonna get 14 hot topics this edition? No, of course not; 14 isn’t lucky, 7 is. But I promise you I’ll work twice as hard, okay?

1) Nintendo Directly Delivers Definitive Deadlines

So in case you missed it, one of those big grant Nintendo Direct thingamagigs happened. A lot of announcements were made. One of which involved WarioWare Gold, which would have been a stellar thing if it wasn’t just another 3DS compilation game. What’s up with Nintendo putting big compilation games like this and Mario Party Top 100 on the 3DS? Everyone has a switch now, c’mon Nintendo. Detective Pikachu’s on 3DS too? At least we got another No More Heroes and… oh, it’s some minigame compilation too? Ah well, at least it’s on the Switch. We also got that sweet Dark Souls port coming and with a dope ass amiibo to come with it! Continuing the course of WiiU games nobody played that are coming to Switch, Captain Toad: Treasure Track is finding it’s way to the Switch, but with additional levels and content. For some reason, Crash Bandicoot also made it to the Switch, originally a Sony exclusive. Man, if you’ve got a remake in the works, Nintendo is totally down with tossing it on to their roster. I for one who didn’t play the remake series would love to play it on the small screen.

Here’s a second paragraph on the direct, just because there’s so much to discuss! Splatoon 2, a game that’s constantly evolving with a steady feed of free content is about to get a 3.0 update that has a lot of stuff. More than 100 new pieces of gear are coming, tons more levels (so many levels), and they introduced Rank X for people who rank higher than S+. There will also be a badass new and highly challenging single-player campaign called the “Octo Expansion.” Oh, and I guess the squid kids will be in the next Super Smash Bros game for Switch, which got a tease of at the very end of the direct.

2) Dynamic Duo Deuteragonist’s Dong Dangling Discussion

In the last of crazy “why is this news?” phenomena that the internet likes to indulge in, we have Luigi. Apparently, we also got a good look at his dick. You see, I left out the part of the Nintendo Direct where they introduced Mario Tennis for a very good reason. This is that reason. Yep, you can catch a very good glimpse of the plumber’s phallus in one of the promotional shots. In fact, people were so obsessed over his schlong, they took to measuring it and the results are staggering. Apparently it’s 3.7” while flaccid. That’s… a pretty hefty package. No wonder Daisy doesn’t get kidnapped as often, Luigi is keeping her mighty satisfied. Yep, I went there. I subscribe to the whole “Peach and Bowser are shagging” fan theory, and in my eyes this almost adds more credence to the tale.

3) SEGA’S Sonic Satisfaction Starts Soforth

Just when we thought with Sonic Forces that SEGA couldn’t learn a damn lesson about how to get the Sonic Formula working, something incredible has happened. They realized just how huge of a success Sonic Mania was and decided that now was the time to make a physical release for it. Prior to this, the only “physical release” of the game was a collector’s edition that came with a ton of physical swag but a digital code for the game. Now, they have big plans for the erinaceomorph (look it up). The real-life copies of the game will be available for PS4, Xbox One, and Switch, with a sleek looking reversible slipcover with a retro aesthetic and a 32-page art book. Dubbed Sonic Mania Plus it will have such features as something called “Encore Mode” which they haven’t elaborated on, and two more characters will join the roster: Mighty the Armadillo and Ray the Flying Squirrel. I had to look it up and they are indeed real Sonic characters from the Genesis age. It will retail for $29.99 and come out this summer but those who already own the digital copy with have the extras made available at a later date. Also, there will be a new cartoon miniseries, and news of a film is abuzz.

4) Battlefront 2 Mitigate Microtransations to Make up for Maniacal Multiplayer

EA’s Battlefront 2 may go down as one of the biggest follies of overreaching when it comes to negative treatment to it’s consumers. After immense pressure, EA shut down a loot crate system it had originally planned to implement. It was scrapped at the last second because the crates had gear upgrades that created a seemingly pay to win atmosphere. Well, the crates are gone, but just plain ol’ microtransactions are back. Indeed, you can still get crates, but they only contain cosmetics, emotes, and other items that don’t impact gameplay. These crates can be bought with in-game currency or premium currency. Indeed, although this is a step in the right direction, improvements could still be had. We still strongly advise simply waiting for Battlefront 3 or playing the first one, as we were not too kind to it with our review and this change doesn’t really give it any points.

5) Famous Fighter Finds Friends and Foes in Fighting Franchise

Bandai Namco has always been spot on with adding interesting characters to their Soul Caliber series of fighting games. Some more famous ones were Link, Yoda, Darth Vader, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Kratos. Now they’re about to get medieval on you, and are including Geralt of Rivia from the highly acclaimed “Witcher” games by CD Projekt Red. In case you don’t know who he is, here’s a primer: He roams the lands fighting more monsters than you fight in monster hunter, is bound by a code in taking coin for all his contracts, carrier of two swords (one for humans, one for monsters), knows 5 spells, and is a real ladies’ man (chicks dig scars). Honestly,  not sure how he’ll fit in with Soul Calibur VI or what he wants to do with the eponymous sword, other than adding it to his vast collection of swords. Not a bad goal really, he’s just the ultimate collector. Now, the question on everyone’s mind: how many of the female cast will he end up sleeping with? Guess we’ll find out when the game comes out.

6) Ridiculous Rumours Recovered Remotely

It wouldn’t be a lucky gamer recap without some serious rumors. Word has it that a Splinter Cell for 2018 was briefly listed in Canada’s Amazon store, but has since been taken down. But the world could do with a new Splinter Cell game, possibly one with a new character as protagonist Sam Fisher has really been through the ringer, having stopped 3 major terror attacks, gone deep undercover, killed his own boss, thought his daughter was dead, and forgot to do the laundry that one time. The last Splinter Cell game was Blacklist from 2013. Five years off is a pretty decent vacation. Just shoot me if they decide to make it open world.

7) Tomb Raider just hit theaters and it’s not terrible.

The most recent Tomb Raider film stars Alicia Vikander as the famous Lara Croft, this time taking on the form of the rebooted character from 2013. The film has had mixed reviews, mainly that it goes over the top too frequently, but in this age of superhero films, this isn’t really a bad thing. For big fans of the new game, the adaption has been reported to be extremely faithful to many of the game’s events, sometimes even copying some of the many many injuries she sustains. This game is determined to look as authentic as possible, and if you want to see a film that is highly representative of a video game, you could do far worse than this adaptation. You can check out Chris Stuckmann’s review here if you’re interested.

Making all those alliterations was very mentally taxing and I’m never doing that again, ok?




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November 6th, 2017 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Examining Life is Strange vs….. Mass Effect?

People frequently complain when the ending of a game ruins a series. Especially if said series is a ‘choose your own adventure’ type of experience. Why should I bother at all if the ending is the same? Sure. Why bother eating an apple, it eventually will become a core. Don’t eat that ice cream, it ends up being an empty bowl. What happens throughout the course of a game is far more likely affect than that silly little ending you encounter. [Minor spoilers for Mass Effect and Life is Strange: Before the Storm – Episode 2]




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October 23rd, 2017 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Capture your hearts’ content while being discontent with EA.

Folks, it’s been a long week. I’m tired. Here’s some sh*t that happened this week in case you missed it.

1) Destiny 2 Leviathan raid gets BTFO’d

Merely an hour after it went live, the first ever raid for this MMO-lite game was beaten in an hour. Which would be impressive except for one thing, it was faked. That’s right, the raid was quickly beaten because instead of being good sportsmen and just playing the damn game, everyone had to go and ruin things by using an exploit. The sad part is the exploit isn’t even that hard to pull off. Several videos went up instruction players how to get all the great loot without the hard effort.

2) Pokemon Go does the monster mash.

Everyone’s favorite alternate reality mobile game collectathon is going strong. It’s the getting to the end of October and everyone has Halloween fever. What’s the best part about this holiday? THE CANDY OF COURSE. Every pokemon you catch will earn you a whopping SIX candies. On top of that, there are a handful of other ways to rake in some extra sweets. If that’s not enough for you, the game will be ramping up the scare factor the only way it can. The spooooooky pokemon you know and love will be a lot more common as the 31st draws closer and closer. You’ll have increased chances to catch a Zubat, Golbat, Gastly, Haunter, Gengar, Drowzee, or Hypno. Why not take your pokemon with you while Trick or Treating?

3) Capture footage now even easier on the Switch.

Having a dedicated screenshot button on the Switch was a brilliant idea. Even more brilliant is the new update for the crossover console. Update 4.0 bring an impressive new feature. Pressing and holding the capture button will now automatically lock in and record the last 30 seconds of your gameplay. For many games though, not all of them. They’ve also made it easier to transfer your user data from Switch to Switch which would be nice. Considering Nintendo’s track record for releasing slightly updated versions of their handhelds, I can’t wait to get my hands on a theoretical new switch that will have a longer battery life.

4) Capture footage now even easier on the Xbox One.

The Switch wasn’t the only console with a major update. The Fall 2017 Hardware update for the Xbox one has added a lot of new features. An even further improved Home button was one of the features, while a more streamlined desktop accompanied the changes. You can now add games to your homescreen, instead of just pin, and get a more informative preview of the latest news and community activity about whichever game you choose. But most importantly, if you plug in an external USB 3.0 compatible device, you can now capture gameplay footage up to 60 minutes long.

5) EA adds pay to win elements to Star Wars Battlefront II.

I mean, it’s hard not to have heard this news, it’s everywhere. People played the demo and are pretty concerned that the current “loot crate” craze has poisoned the well and that Battlefront II is the most recent victim. EA has backpedaled on this a little bit, saying that they will make core elements to the game be progression-based, but that has yet to be seen. We are all just hoping that the single player campaign isn’t just some tacked on garbage. We can only hope that after the ruckus this game has caused, everything will turn for the better in the end.

6) EA shuts down Visceral Games.

EA is apparently not happy with f*cking up things yet, so here they are again. Visceral Games, creators most well known for the Dead Space series, was working on a standalone Star Wars game. After some focus testing, EA decided that the project was no longer worthwhile and terminated the company. Nice going, EA. You’re well on your way to re-earning that “worst company” award. I mean, other worse companies deserve it usually, but you manage to really stick your mistakes in everyone’s faces, don’t you, EA?

7) Good news for Mario XCOM fans.

Did you think Mario+Rabbids Kingdom battle was an easy game? If you did, you might have been playing in easy mode. This challenging game is getting even tougher with some newly announced DLC. Dubbed the “Ultra Challenge Pack”, it contains 8 new super hard scenarios to fight your way through. Owners of the season pass already have access and can download it whenever they want. Tread carefully, this DLC isn’t playing around.




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