assassin's creed robots
March 28th, 2019 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Robots forgo hostile human takeover and settle for subjugating us by making addictive video games instead.

Ubisoft, has found a winning formula for their video games. We all know this. And they are sticking to it like a bear on honey. For one thing, almost any game from them will have an absolutely gargantuan map. That and an absolute ton of copy-pasted assets. These same games also follow a pretty simple formula. From Ghost Recon Wildlands, to FarCry, to Assassins Creed, your goal in the game is very simple. You open your map screen, there’s a bunch of things to do. You click on one of the things, and then you go there to do the thing. Then the game rewards you for doing the thing. Then it gives you some things and then unlocking more things to click on and go to.

This “carrot on a stick” form of game design is utter genius. Many gamers, present company included, are perfectly content with these time-devouring opulent offerings. Ubisoft has never been more confident that they have a winning formula until now. Just look at their recent offerings. The Crew 2 is a game with a map that is vaguely the size of the entire USA. They loaded it up with a bunch of pinpoints full of races for different types of vehicles everywhere.

So it begins…

That’s why Ubisoft was proud to announce this in a recent PAX East interview. They want to take the design of their games to the next level. Starting production in May, Ubisoft New Jersey will start on their next Assassin’s Creed title. But this is no ordinary dev team, as Ubisoft New Jersey runs completely run by automation. That’s right, the dev is actually a smart AI called U.B.I.S.O.F.T. (Which is short for Universal Binary Interface Siumulator of Future Technology). Several UBISOFTs will be operating day and night to crank out the next edition of your favorite title.

Ubisoft producer Marc-Alexis Côté mused on this exciting event. “We already know how to make a game that everyone will want to play. We have it down to such a science, that we soon won’t need developers anymore. The UBISOFT AI is perfectly capable of replicating our formula. It has already designed the entire map of the next game. It’s 8 times the size of Odyssey”. When asked if this would decrease morale among the human developers of Ubisoft he was resolute. “Well, the elimination of jobs by robots is just part and parcel of living in a society.”

What’s next?

Right now, nobody, not even Ubisoft themselves, know what the plot of the next game will be. Not even the location. The robo-team at Ubisoft NJ will be performing its own internal company showcase. “Everything is so easy to make. Our AI team will be doing all tasks for this project. The script and the main character will be made by our robot friends. We’ve also asked them what they are going to do for voice talent. They said they’ll either hire somebody on their own, or they might even do the acting themselves! Isn’t that neat? They are so smart they literally don’t need any humans to help them make this game work.”

By the way, this interview? It was also performed by the UBISOFT AI. They used their network database of every Ubisoft E3 show ever. After, they constructed a hologram of Aicha Tyler to ask all these questions. The likeness was completely uncanny, including her saying really awkward things that made the entire audience uncomfortable. Digi-Tyler asked Marc if they even knew the title of the game, he admitted something interesting. “We aren’t sure what they are calling this new project yet. But they’ve already presented several working titles based on the titles of other games on the market. It will still be called Assassin’s Creed, but the subtitle is either going to be: Redemption, Revolution, Sisterhood, and Revelations IV.”

Right now the UBISOFT is downloading all the assets used from every Assassins Creed game ever made and will be making slight modifications to them so they look newer. Another arm of the AI has already started distributing random pins on their map where they will eventually add quests to. Expect to hear more about this at E3 this year. The current one.

In case the slow dip into insanity wasn’t enough to tell you, this article is SATIRE. Seriously, Ubisoft New Jersey? C’mon, you know better than that. A simulation of Aicha Tyler? Really? Actually no that would be pretty cool.



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living dead zombies gameplay
October 17th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

They live! I guess…

Get your living dead zombies gameplay footage here! It’s not really worth reviewing the season pass DLC for FarCry 5 at this point. As it stands, their final DLC was actually refreshing. Instead of an open world, you played through the undead shenanigans of 7 would-be blockbuster films.




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August 16th, 2018 by Catherine "Raskallion" Dore

Everything is just so predictable and bland.




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July 13th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Or am I just getting worse at games?

This June I’ve had the chance to play a lot of DLC and it strikes me that neither of them I’ve played were very good. Vega has pointed out to me that maybe I just suck but in both cases in the video, the game’s DLC isn’t in step with the main game.

In Splatoon 2’s main mode you go around inking the floor in your color and fight 4 real players who are trying to ink over your work. The Octo Expansion is a challenge room where you have to pop balloon, roll around 8-balls, and finish obstacle courses. Not really the same as the main game and it’s extremely difficult compared to the original campaign.

Far Cry 5 is a play it your way kind of game, but the Vietnam “Hours of Darkness” DLC heavily emphasize on you using stealth while simultaneously gives you the power to call in airstrikes. Then the ending is an open conflict.

What do you think? Is the bar being lowered? Is this just temporary? Does Chet just suck?

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June 10th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Square Enix

Intro

  • Keith David narrated the opening homage, then Matsuda came on.

Shadow of the Tomb Raider

  • The gameplay trailer was played for the game.
  • Lara Croft has officially gone full Assassin’s Creed.
  • September 14th, 2018

Stormblood: Final Fantasy XIV

  • New DLC for FF14 was shown off with a cutscene and gameplay trailer.

Monster Hunter World x Final Fantasy XIV

  • A crossover was teased for the two games.

Captain Spirit

  • More was shown on this.
  • It’s not Life is Strange 2 but set in the same universe.
  • The full game will be free June 26th.
  • It’s going to pave the way for more games in the series.

Dragon Quest 11

  • A full story trailer was shown.

Babylon’s Fall

  • A trailer featuring a series of pictures was shown, coming 2019. PS4 & Steam.

Nier Automata: Become as Gods Edition

  • A trailer for the game being ported to Xbox was shown, with all DLC.

Octopath Traveler

  • July 13th release date trailer.

Just Cause 4

  • Largest map yet, extreme weather like tornados, sandstorms, and blizzards.
  • More vehicles and a powered up grappling hook too.
  • Gameplay showcase demo was shown.

The Quiet Man

  • A game featuring a deaf fighter was introduced, PS4 & Steam.

Kingdom Hearts 3

  • The same trailer was shown again from Microsoft’s conference.

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May 5th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

It’s the most MURICA game you can play.

The marketing strategy was a bit misleading.




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May 3rd, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

I thought this was AMERICA

Far Cry 5 is the newest installment in Ubisoft’s long-running Far Cry series. Typically traveling to tropical or exotic locations, this new entry drops you right in the heart of…. MONTANA, USA? Yes, that’s right, the creative minds at Ubisoft are no strangers to making drastic decisions every now and again and this time they’ve decided to bring the fight to the States. As a first-person shooter with an open world, you play as a custom protagonist (don’t steal) and fight against a doomsday cult that has forcibly taken over the entire county. That’s county, without the R. Like many of the games prior, it has an open approach to handle each situation, allowing you to either shoot everyone like a maniac or go stealthy like you’re Solid Snake. As an ongoing series, does it bring new life to the franchise or is this just more of the same?

GRAPHICS: 2/2

Dogs go woof. Cats go meow. Far Cry games have amazing graphics. There’s nothing to discuss here.

STORY: 2/2

There was a major disparity that occurred during the game’s marketing campaign where it was heavily inferred that this antagonistic cult is supposed to be reflective of some real-world events this past year. On the contrary, the antagonists seem to be the opposite of what people were expecting in that regard. That said, they are still menacing villains, and the cake doesn’t even go to the primary baddie, John Seed, leader of Project Eden’s Gate. You spend the bulk of the time fighting his 3 lieutenants, the other members of his family. Each leader has a lot of presence and menace to them, as they all believe they are righteous and go to great lengths to prove it. In a move that has to be taken with a grain of salt, you get frequently captured by these “peggies,” as the locals call them, every time you reach a milestone in every region. But progression through the game is kept smooth, where instead of being put on a straight and narrow path that will lead you to the end, you carve your own path through the game. A lot of Ubisoft’s games take this approach lately, but here it actually works because there’s so much to do that if you hit a particular story mission you don’t want to carry out, you’re free to take off and go do something else instead. Furthermore, the devs took great care to make a smaller, more tangible map that has a lot of character, both in its NPCs and scenery, instead of the average go-to “look how big our map is!” approach to level design.

AUDIO: 1/2

Now, credit where credit is due, the work was definitely put in for this game’s OST. The game features a licensed soundtrack full of rock n roll tunes you can hear on the radio. But it also features a radio channel being broadcast by the veggies that includes a slew of gospel choir tunes all based on their beliefs, which adds a lot of character. That’s all fine and good, and the original score for action scenes was unique with a lot of Americana and banjo, but more times than not, I just couldn’t stand listening to the soundtrack. The map music was especially egregious and got on my nerves every time I had to open the map, which I had to open it a lot. That said, the performances of each villain were all pretty decent and well rendered, but it’s going to take quite a lot for the game to ever have a villain as good as Vaas from Far Cry 3.

GAMEPLAY: 2/2

The DIY aspect of the game serves it very well. For the first time in the main series, Ubisoft has ditched a lot of the busywork you used to find in the other titles. You don’t have to go looking for herbs as often, for starters. Upgrades are based entirely on cash, so hunting animals only nets you more cash instead of having to find specific skins to craft specific upgrades. Crafting itself is kept to a minimum. And for the love of god and all that is holy, you don’t have to go climbing towers, Ubisoft is officially done with tower climbing. Other than that, your standard Far Cry fare is available here. Weapon selection is vast and varied, with bows, rifles, pistols, SMGs, LMGs, rocket launchers, and a couple easter egg weapons. There are also some decent vehicles to choose from, but once you’ve got a car that will take you from A to B, it hardly matters. My personal preference was using an LMG, burst first SMG, full auto SMG, and .50 cal sniper rifle. If that sounds like overkill, that’s because it is. It’s also because I always start off stealthy then whenever I fail I immediately whip out an assault weapon and gun some outposts down. I think I only managed to completely stealth a stronghold once in my entire run. This is some functional, good gameplay that lets you take whatever approach you want to take with anything.

FUN: 1/2

At some point, did Ubisoft declare they were going to be the new Bethesda? Because the Xbox copy of this game was chock full of bugs. Lots of bugs. Not many of them were all that hindering, but the frequency with which they occurred frequently pulls you out of the game. Textures don’t load, animations fail, an NPC keeps saying the same exact thing 3 times in a row with no pauses. It can get pretty obnoxious. Driving still has the autopilot function which is great since even though it’s intended to be used to shoot while driving, it’s actually a nice option to just push while you sit back and pack another bowl before playing some more. Also, there’s an arcade mode you can play at any time during the game and earn money and experience from playing, but most of the levels are unfinished trash made by people who don’t know what they are doing, and although there is a map filter you can use, it’s not all that helpful in weeding out the trash.

Far Cry lost a bit of steam with the last couple games, with 4 being on the bland side and Primal being just a bad idea in general. It has gained a lot by becoming a part of what seems to be the new and improved Ubisoft. This is definitely the best one in a while. If you wanna play the most MURICA game available on the market, look no further than Far Cry 5.

SCORE: 8/10




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April 25th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Whoa-hoooOOOO Intensifies

Let us stress this again, we do not in ANY way endorse making microtransaction purchases on full price games. Chet was just an idiot that night.




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April 18th, 2018 by Kurt "Chet" Christel

Sometimes you find love in weird places like the middle of a totalitarian cultist takeover.

Far Cry 5 is yet another example of how all the mainline Ubisoft games are getting rather homogenous. With the ability to hire a somewhat competent squad AI to help you fight the enemies, you’d be forgiven if you just briefly glanced at the game and thought you were playing Ghost Recon: Wildlands. Despite all of this, Ubisoft is making headway in all their sandbox games by giving the NPCs some actual characteristics and traits. Indeed, on top of the 9 companions you can receive in the game, you can also talk to the many many NPCs you find during missions, strongholds, and sometimes random encounters. They have interesting things to tell you, and a lot of them can be hired to fight by your side. These “guns for hire” do more than just that, they have unique skills that come with them, that they unlock when they score a certain number of kills.

While progressing through the game, I cycled around a lot of the specialty companions that had some things to say, especially to each other, but I found that their range of dialog grew short pretty fast. That was not the case for Diana Frye, an NPC I met in Fall’s End (I think) much earlier in the game. Despite going through the motions and finding new people with better special abilities, I was compelled to call on her to come fight with me instead. She had a large array of things to say and even addressed several other companions by name, which was the first thing that surprised me. There I was traveling with a random stranger in the game and just had another character join the squad, and she spoke to that character as if they were best friends. It was outrageous, never before have I seen so much work put into a character whom in any other game would just have been a nameless, faceless, disposable grunt.

She allowed me to keep extra ammo and was capable of reviving fangs for hire, sure, those were her “special abilities” but I was far more interested in taking her around and hearing her take on the local sights. Despite having some randomized catchphrases that plague all NPCs in every video game ever, I was continually taken aback when she mentioned some of the places I‘d walk through. I passed through a summer camp and she mentioned going there when she was a kid. When we ended up on the set for Blood Dragon, she enthusiastically stated how excited she was for the movie. And of course, the one-off “I think I peed myself” never got old. It really didn’t, it was funny EVERY SINGLE TIME. The only time I ever got sick of her was that she has only 1 or 2 lines to say about Peaches the cougar and she was repeating them ad nauseum to the point where I did have to send her away. But I legitimately felt bad about doing it. After I found Cheeseburger the bear, I brought her back into the fold.

I met many more named, fully developed NPCs as I tore my way through Hope County, but Diana was my favorite. She was the most adorable hillbilly in Montana and she was MINE. I don’t know what it was that made her so special. Maybe it was the accent, I do tend to fall for cute accents even when they’re possibly meant to sound “stupid.” You can meet characters who don’t have an accent, and you can meet characters who sound far more serious and grim. But Diana was not a grim character by any stretch. As I blew up the cult’s vehicles and heard her unironically shout “USA! USA! USA!” I grew rather fond of the character. I went through far more ordeals with this character than any other companions in the game and loved every second of it.

I did have another female NPC follow me around for a bit just to make sure the dialog wasn’t the same for everyone. Indeed it wasn’t, although I’m sure if I talked to enough NPCs I would eventually find the same voice actor saying the same lines on a differently skinned character. But that didn’t matter because I met Diana first and she and I racked up the kills together. I really appreciate the trouble Ubisoft went through to make Hope County a sandbox that has felt more full of life than I had in other games in their whole library of open worlds. This actually makes me want to go back and play other newer Ubisoft games like Assassin’s Creed Origins and Ghost Recon Wildlands just so I can see if they’ve done the same to those games.

And that was it, whenever she rode shotgun with me in a vehicle as rolled up to the next target event, I was actually happy to have her around, and she’s really not even my type as far as looks go. She said funny things and was effective in combat, respective of when I’d go in stealth and then switch to going loud. There are NPCs who don’t know how to stealth, but she did. I’m still just so surprised to have an enriched experience with one of the extras. I mean, later on, I did meet a cute and quiet sharpshooter, but I stayed loyal to Diana, just as my Commander Shepard stayed loyal to… oh wait, I left Liara for Jack, nevermind. But, Diana Frye is my bae for Far Cry 5 tho. I strongly suggest experimenting in the game, and if you look hard enough, your new red-blooded rootin’ tootin’ point-and-shootin’ American waifu will find her way to you. Alright, I’m off to purchase more 2B boob mousepads and hug pillows.

I did stay loyal to Jack, just so you know.




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June 2nd, 2017 by Wayne "Big Gorgeous" Henrique

Sniper Ghost Warrior 3 is an open world sniping-oriented FPS developed and published by CI Games. With no prior knowledge of this game’s release or previous games of same name, I had to go into this blind. This gave me a clean slate to start with and left no room for a biased opinion. Unfortunately, not long after starting, my opinion began to sway and it wasn’t for the better.

GRAPHICS: 1/2

Nothing remarkable to write about in terms of graphics. It’s choppy, framerate is unstable, and lighting is pretty wack. It seemed like the screen frequently gets darker for no reason at night. For new a new gen game and as long as it takes to load the game, this shouldn’t be an issue. Yet it is. It’s a small studio so you don’t expect much but there’s nothing offensively bad about it overall.

STORY: 0/2

I tried to get into the actual story at the start, but it just seemed so generic. The protagonist is looking for his brother who was taken in the prologue and bad guys doing bad stuff. Seriously, that’s about what I got from it. The voice acting wasn’t bad but nothing special. I found myself not caring and just shooting people. Any time spent on the plot is wasteful, as the real meat of the game is in the sniping bits.

AUDIO 1/2

The majority of the audio is pretty on point, the bullet impact was really wet sounding which was awesome, but there are a few exceptions. When driving the player vehicle, there is a loud crash noise that gets irritating because it’s louder than anything else. I mean not a deal killer but like I said it just got annoying. Audio mixing get 50 times worse when it’s noticeably not so good.

GAMEPLAY 1/2

The added scope adjustments give the sniping an added bonus. Using the drone to spot enemies and sniping points is pretty cool. But it all gets repetitive very quickly. Drive, scout, snipe, recon, get outta there. Even with side missions, there isn’t enough variety to change the pace. On a positive note I will say that the controls were pretty nice and fluid for the most part.

FUN 1/2

Did I have fun? Well, there were times I actually enjoyed the game and what it had to offer. The jumping elements and sliding down hills made it fun to snipe then go in for full assault. But as I previously had said the repetitive nature of the game gets old quick. I would have had more fun if it weren’t for the damn 5 minute long initial loading screen. It’s a real buzzkill and you practically have to plan when to launch it and then go do other things while waiting for it to finish.

So an open world sniper game seems like a pretty awesome idea, and it potentially could be great. Unfortunately, this is not that game. Maybe Sniper Ghost Warrior 4 will completely crush it! I’m not holding my breath though.

SCORE: 4/10




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